Always & Forever

I miss you so much daddy…

I still cry on the bathroom floor. Sometimes I hope it might be all a dream. Everyone says that it’s okay since “they’re in a better place” or that “they’re still with you.” I feel like they’re just empty words. They say to remember the good times with them… but it’s hard to remember the good times when their lifeless body is the last thing you saw of them. How do you dream again? How do you do all the things you wanted to do without them? How does it stop hurting? When will it stop hurting?

When your chest actually tightens up and hurts when you’re gasping for air and you can’t see because the tears are falling faster than you can catch them.

School isn’t for me. I’m not school smart. I wish I could just quit. I feel like I can’t have a life and go to school at the same time. I hate feeling tired all the time. I hate that I can’t even sit without my back cramping because I don’t have the time to devote to making it better. I hate when it’s the busiest time of the month at work and then I have to come home and try to find the motivation to do the millions of things due all this week. I hate that somehow I’m paying for these professors that have no idea what they’re doing. Especially the ones that don’t show up, but expect you to give perfect examples of what they’re supposed to teach you. I hate struggling all through elementary, middle, and high school, to thinking the stuggle is over… when the real struggle hadn’t even begun yet. All for a piece of paper. A piece of paper that will somehow dictate if I get a job or how much I get paid. Just because you have a degree doesn’t mean you have the common sense, workplace, and business skills you need to succeed in a job. But this is life. And life isn’t fair. I should’ve known…